Prom Night

Or B-Actor Catfight Night

I'm not as lucky as my friends. They meet famous people a lot. Yes, I'm looking at you, J. I always almost meet the famous people. Or I meet people who've met famous people.

An example of almost meeting a famous person: After my flight home from Russia, at the airport. There's a huge crowd at the gate. Flash going off everywhere. I finally spot my mom and run over to her. She looks excited. We hug and she goes "Did you see her?" I have no idea who she's talking about. "Yoko Ono! She came off the plane ahead of you!" No, I didn't see Yoko Ono. I didn't even know she was on the plane. And, yes, it's sad that my mother was more excited to see the lady who broke up The Beatles more than her only child whom she hadn't seen for 6 weeks.

An example of knowing/meeting someone who's met someone famous: My uncle's best friend (we'll call him Joe, since it's his name) was an extra on a movie. He met some actors I admire greatly (Ok, ok.. Kevin Kline, Joan Cusack, and Tom Selleck). He also met his wife on set. They got married in the church that was in the movie. They also invited one of the stars, but he graciously declined.

The only semi-celebs I have ever actually met were SNL alums. And not even major players (though one has his own show now). I met them on my prom night. This is the accurate version of the events that took place that night. Not the exaggerated version where I knife someone. Yes, J, I'm looking at you...again.

I went stag to prom. A bunch of friends and I went together. Two went as dates (Flip and Juju), another brought a date (Tutu), and there was one other stag person (Jemma). I'm changed names here to protect the horribly guilty. Prom was surprisingly fun. We ate, danced, made fun of people. This was an unexpected turn of events; so when it was time to leave, we did so grudgingly. We had made plans to go to a comedy club in NYC. We figured everyone else was doing the boring thing and going to the shore, we'd have a better time. We, also unexpectedly, ran into a few people from our school outside the club. We had to wait until one show was over and ours began. The strap on Juju's dress snapped while we were waiting. We'd been having wardrobe malfunctions all night (the underwire in my bra had given out on me earlier in the evening, one wire at a time). Tutu and I were looking to see if we could fix it somehow when out steps one SNL alum. I was the only one who actually remembered his name, but that was because I was rather fond of a certain impression he did. He was very nice, chatted, and allowed Jemma to get a picture with him. He left and we went back to Juju's strap dilemma. I said we needed to give up the ghost. It was broken and she either needed to snap the other strap or go lopsided. Then out steps the other SNL alum. Now, at the time, I was kinda a fan of hers. She had an amusing character she played. I no longer see things that way. I tend to seethe when I see the woman, to be honest. Well, we notice she's heading toward her double parked car and Tutu comments "She's got the same car as my dad!" and I turn to look. Then, being the smart ass, sarcastic teen she was, Tutu finished that with "Bitch!" which brought forth a giggle from the crowd around us. We go back to trying to snap Juju's other strap. It's a bitch. The SNL alum heard Tutu's comment. The second part anyway. She stops and turns towards us and says "What did you say?"

It becomes dead silent. So quiet that I look up. Suddenly everyone's looking everywhere else. The sidewalk's fascinating. Ooh, look at that sky, will ya? I have never seen a more interesting stop sign before. I turn to the SNL alum and blink. She stares at me, all full of attitude, and asks "Well?" I shrug, kinda wave her off and say "It's nothing. We weren't talking to you." This brings out all kinds of attitude in her and resulted in this conversation:

SNLA: "What did you say? I want to know what you said."

Me: "I didn't say anything! Now go away."

SNLA: "Someone said something!"

Me: "Doesn't matter. Go away."

SNLA: "Who called me a bitch?!"

Me: "No one is talking to you. Go away!"

SNLA: "I want to know who called me a bitch!"

Me: "Go. Away. GO AWAY!"

And so on.. Eventually, a cop drove up the street and she had to run to her double parked car. It couldn't have lasted more than five minutes but I, somehow, became a hero. By Monday it had blown way out of proportion. Even now it's blown out of proportion. And it was nothing. Less than nothing. Me and a B-Celeb arguing over nothing for a second. But that was my only brush with semi-celebrity-dom.

Sad, isn't it?